“The Joys and Pains that Open Doors”
Dear writer, I hope you had a good week and had a chance to explore the impact of culture on your unique writing expression! This week, we’re going to bring things a little closer to home and discuss the role relationships play in the formation of our voice.
You see, writer, so much of our outlook on life comes from the relationships we did or didn’t have from childhood up to now—especially the relationships we had within our families. Our experiences in these relationships often form key elements of the framework of our God-given message. They also tend to inform the way we share that message and with whom!
But before we get started, let’s take a look at some others whose relationships were formative in the trajectory of their life’s work.
Relationships in History
C.S. Lewis is a beautiful example of a man whose life was shaped by his relationships. Lewis’s mother died when he was just a young boy, and Lewis experienced the coldness of his grieving father who shipped him off to several boarding schools. Later as Lewis became a beloved college professor and popular author and he began to receive letters from fans and students, those lonely years as a child spurred him to answer every piece of mail he received. Especially those letters from his young readers. Lewis’s hand-written letters reached thousands and have likely impacted countless lives as many of his pen pals came to saving faith in Christ during the course of their correspondence.
You see, writer, the joys and pains we experience in our relationships often fit us to reach the people we once were. Being able to recognize and intentionally grow those points of unique relational experience can help us leverage that experience for the benefit of those who need it as much as we did.
Relationships in the Bible
David is another great example of someone whose relationships uniquely shaped his voice and life’s work. Often disregarded by his family, David learned at a young age to rely upon God alone. Then as young man in King Saul’s court, David experienced the power of covenant Jonathon, knitted in spirit with David from the first moment they met, swore to protect David if David would likewise protect Jonathan’s family after David came into the kingship. This commitment to covenant with God and man laid a foundation of stability for David during his tumultuous years for fleeing Saul’s murderous grasp and built his integrity as he continually spoke and acted with wisdom and grace toward Saul and his family.
As a result of this kindness toward the defeated family of Saul, his unwillingness to celebrate their deaths, David not only won every battle, but learned how to win the hearts of his fellow Israelites as well and unified the warring tribes. His patient work also paved the way for the construction of the temple and the peaceful reign of Solomon throughout the known world as, for a brief moment in history, Israel fulfilled their calling to be a light to the nations.
You see, writer, God uses both the good and bad of past and current relationships to grow us in wisdom so that we can learn to rightly divide, discern, and share His words. Because here’s the interesting thing: it’s only as we intersect with one another that God’s word begins to come alive to us and in our world.
Relationships in Life
Some of the most formative relational experiences of my life were negative ones. As a budding teen, I found myself the object of an unprovoked slander campaign launched by peers. Surprised and uncertain what I’d done to upset them, I retreated for nearly a decade from most serious attempts at making friendships, assuming that after these girls went out of their way to convince me I was there friend—and then destroy me—that I must simply not be good friend material.
Over that next ten years, the Lord took me on journey that recovered my sense of self worth as well as my trust in other women. And sent a sweet woman who prayed and loved me back into fellowship with other women, and laid the groundwork for the work I do today. Though she was a saleswoman and often “sold” me on several of her ideas, I always said yes in the end, because I knew her love for me was the only reason she felt so strongly about what she was trying to persuade me of. God used her love and prayers to heal my heart, and pave the way for me to lead others with love and prayer, too, both of which are key elements of the work I do today.
You see, writer, often our deepest relational pains and most arduous journeys to victory open not just windows into the hearts and souls of men and women but also open doors to speak life and light into dark spaces of other lives. Dark space the Lord has already faithfully walk us through.
Relationships in Your Life
You see, writer, relationships are difficult. Even the good ones. It is only as God grows us to love understand our brothers and sister whom we see that we are enabled to understand and love Him for who He is and to truly and care deeply. Also, it’s often as we bump against each other that God does some of his most masterful shaping and refining in our lives. Let me show you…
- Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17
- If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. – 1 John 4:20
- …from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. – Ephesians 4:16
- Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. – Proverbs 27:6
- …not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. – Hebrews 10:25
You see, writer, the relationships we have and the company we keep are an intrinsic part of our formation. And whether those relationships were good or bad, God is in the business of leveraging all for our good and for His glory as we learn and grow from the joys and sorrows. That God-ordained good and glory creates the platform of understanding from which we see life but it also created depth and breadth with which we can speak into the lives of others.
Where to Start with Relationships
So, are your ready to take a look at how your relationships have shaped your voice? Here are a few ideas to get you started…
- Key Relationships. One of the best places to begin uncovering how relationships have shaped your voice is by identifying which relationships have been pivotal in your life. Who has God used to change you? In what way? What kind of person are they? Try to identify at least 5-10 people and the contribution they made that changed everything for you. Often as you begin to examine these events, you’ll begin to spot trends of what God is speaking to you.
- Joys & Pains. What have been your greatest relational joys? You greatest relational sorrows? Why? These questions provide rich insight into the unique areas of wisdom and experience God’s built up into you. Don’t be afraid to lean into these themes if they happen to bubble up in your writing.
- What Pulls at Your Heart? Another great place to start is to examine what people and situations tug at your heart strings. Often that point of pain or wonder provides keen insight into the people we are called to reach.
- Themes. Sometimes, upon careful examination, there will be themes in our lives. Take some time to prayerfully review your list of greatest relational joys and pains. Are there any recurring issues? If there are, they often give a window into those things God has prepared you to speak into.
- Triggers. Are there certain things that “trigger you? Sometimes the things that most trip us up are the very areas that God has designed us to overcome and lead in. Just like Lewis’s childhood pain sparked his faithful letter-writing in answer to every piece of mail her received. Just like David’s commitment to Saul and Jonathan’s family through the long years as a fugitive built a foundation of integrity and goodwill necessary to heal a nation. Just like my journey through deception and false friends, taught me to understand and build true friendships on a whole deeper level. And here’s the final thing…
As we begin to recognize the ways God’s been working through the relationship in our lives, we can begin to recognize where He’s speaking through the lives of others, how He’s working in them, and (and this is the most amazing part!) how we can partner with Him in that work by our prayer, actions, and our words.
So I encourage you today, writer, whether you relationships have been rocky or smooth sailing, to recognize that our God is a God of redemption who has made us ministers of reconciliation so that He may make His appeal through us. Because here’s the final thought: learning to lean into the impact of relationships in our life is about learning to recognize the image and presence of God in another.
Just like Lewis recognized the weighty importance of not “hindering any of these little ones” by refusing to answer their questions. Just like David recognized the supremacy of covenant in God’s eyes and the absolute necessity of honoring those whom God had anointed…regardless of their performance. Just like I learned to recognize and cultivate true friendship that have enabled me to minister on a whole new level.
Recognizing the impact of relationships in our lives is really about recognizing God’s sovereign hand at work in and through the people around us. And as we begin to see and embrace that work, we can intentionally partner with our Heavenly Father—the Father of Lights—to intentionally share the light and life with others, too.
#relationships #glory #ImageOfGod #EveryWriterWriting
